Week 5....

As I begin week 5 post surgery I have to admit it seems like I have had the band longer... Maybe this is due to the icky pre surgery shake diet? 

I am really struggling emotionally with a variety of issues, its like that analogy of the plate, You have 'stuff' on your plate and then there is something else added and then something else and then there is one BIG thing that just breaks the plate completely and everything 'falls off'...

I am getting loads of attention from the opposite sex and I thought I would be ecstatic about this but I'm not, I really don't feel like I have the energy for a man!! Argh I never thought I would say that.....

I am seeing the surgeon in 2 weeks for my first fill, I am really nervous about it as I really hate chucking and I am afraid there might be some icky PB's after the fill... I think I am still loosing although I have been a bit unwell this week so have not made it to the Gym, however I have been on a few BIG walks over the weekend. I mowed the lawn today (naughty) and subsequently passed out twice... I am off to the GP on Thursday as I have been having menstrual issues since the surgery, My regular GP says its stress but I don't know so I'm off for a second opinion... I think I'm low in iron... I feel run down and sluggish and really awful, I have no energy and am really emotional, as in just look at me and I'm a blubbering MESS!!

Argh there is just SO much going on at the moment and I would normally placate this mess with a big piece of chocolate cake but I cant even have a small mouthful.... I really don't regret the surgery but I'm feeling frustrated by the restrictive diet...

I went online last week and did some research into recipes for post banding and was pleased to find a book titled - "Knife, Fork and Band" which was written by a dietitian in conjunction with banded patients to create a book suitable for all stages post banding and are also suitable to serve up to the family!! So there is no need to make 2 meals... I can't wait for it to arrive!!

I went through my wardrobe this week also and was able to get out all my BIG clothes, It was very liberating and satisfying!! I also went to Target and was ecstatic that I could put on clothes from the normal range and did not have to go to the PLUS sized section... Also having many compliments helps you feel more motivated to keep at it...

So all in all a very up and down week...... I am just hoping and PRAYING that thing will start picking up in my personal life and I can start enjoying my new changing body!!

Update....

Soooooo, I know I only wrote here on Monday which is like 2 days ago but I must share.....

While I am still feeling crappy about the whole pureed diet crappy food, I have had some news to share for this week....

I have made it to 100kgs.... Yay for me..... I have not weighed this since my 5yo was born.... I am wearing a size 18 (AUS) very comfortably and in track pants and leggings am wearing a 16 (AUS)... So Double Yay!!

I have to admit as a single girl I am getting ALOT of male attention which is nice, flattering and unnerving.... I don't hate myself when I walk past the shop windows and check out my reflection.... I actually smile and say to myself - "Half way there"....

I am having some family problems at the moment which is making me quite depressed and I have noticed clearly what some of my old habits were in regards to 'Comfort Eating'. It has been really amazing to stop myself and go..... Oh My Gosh I'm not even hungry why am I thinking about food???

I have decided to JUMP out of my comfort zone and audition for the local theatre companies production for next year which will be Guys and Dolls..... I'm pretty excited!! I love singing and dancing.... When I reach my goal weight I am going to take up dancing again... I always wanted to learn Ballet.. A local dance school here teaches adult beginner Ballet....

And finally going so well I have been asked to sing at church as a back up singer for our Sunday morning service, this has been a desire of mine for quite a long time and its a privilege I will honour....

So a HUGE couple of days in my house....

Week 4 post surgery.....

So I popped off to the Gym today, for 2 reasons really, One to have a walk on the treaddie and secondly to have a weigh in.... 

And the weigh in went like this... (I really need to get my own scales so I can weigh in the morning) I have lost 2kgs this week... Not alot but still a loss so I have to be happy with this.... 

I have been experimenting with food... Making yummier recipes, that I can puree.... Hmmmmmm

Today I had my first pain after eating... I think this means I ate too fast, not sure, but it hurts like hell.... Does anyone know what I can do for this to ease the pain in my stomach.... I have not had a PB so it is just sitting there hurting......

I must admit I have been a little naughty and had a snack size bit of chocolate.... a few times..... I couldn't help it... I was craving sooooooo BAD..... Another reason for the trip to the gym today... a guilty workout!!

I have been feeling quite down lately, mostly about not being able to have cake, muffins, roast or anything I used to enjoy. At work we make home made saussage rolls and I smell them cooking and I really want one BAD but its not going to happen!! 

ITS FRUSTRATING - I have thought of making some baby ones with chicken mince and grated vegies and NO pastry and pureeing them, but somehow I just don't think it will be the same....

I have had some NSV (non scale victory) this week... Buying a top at Target to wear out and not having to go to the Plus sized section... Wearing Jeans I have not worn since my 5yo was a baby.... Having friends and family coment on how FANTASTIC Im looking..... Wearing clothes that have been a little small, buttoning up a cardigan, not having pants cutting into me and being able to wear socks without getting that cutting in effect around the top - you know what I mean there.... 

Anyway better go now... Thanks for reading and I will post again soon....